On to #2

Is it supposed to feel odd that even though I've had no offers for representation for my first novel, I have started on the second of the series?  There's still stories to be captured in writing, so I see no point in waiting around for the first one to transform into a printed book, as it may never happen.

It's like having another child while the first born is still in diapers itself.  The second is more demanding of your attention, yet you still can't neglect the first one.  At what point do you stretch yourself too thin?

As of 1/10/11-

Bring on the stretchmarks, outline for #3 completed as well.

How many have you sent them to?

A good friend of mine tried his best to be supportive in my quest for representation.

"How many have you sent it to?"

I referred to my lovely excel spreadsheet that I've created which lists the name of the agent/agency, date query sent (to refer back to their "pass if nothing has been heard by xx date"), responce received (including whether they had actually claimed to read my material, which is always wonderful encouragement), date said response was recieved and if another agent in their agency can be queried.  I  constructed this after realizing  I'd better tackle this like a sports player would.  I needed a game plan.

"About sixty or so, three or four of those said they liked my material, but it wasn't a good match for them."

"Oh." Was all he could respond with.  I can't say that I blame him for not knowing what to say.  He doesn't know what I know. 

My hours of internet research has educated me that this is normal.  You can query hundreds of agents before finding a match.  You could also move on to another work which does get published and then one day have the first one get published afterwards.  You could also find yourself among the many who never get representation, never get published and never see their book in print. 

Lucky for me, I accepted that possibility going into this.  In fact, that is exactly why I created my characters nearly a decade ago in my mind, and kept them safely there, away from paper.  Far from rejection, far from criticism, but also far from other people.  One day I finally thought to myself "I'm getting older, I might forget them one day."  You can only have so many adventures of a character in your mind before the little wrinkles in your brain get filled up and you can't store any more.  What if someone else would get the same enjoyment from them?

I thought back to when they were born.  During the hours I'd spend alone at night on the playground swinging, lost in my thoughts about life and my hopes for myself.  I'd always sneak off to my characters.  Life as a young adult is unbearable for some of us, so sometimes we need an escape.  In creating my characters I decided that even a person who is opinionated, determined and not the most social being in the world can have a fulfilling life full of loved ones.  My characters reminded me that all of us are valuable in life, even with our quirks and individualized natures that set us apart from the other billions of people that walk around us.  We are all exactly how we were meant to be.  While growing up I could have used more voices telling me these things.

Through my characters, I gave myself the strength that there were good things ahead of me in life.  I would have a partner one day.  Wherever he was, we'd find each other out of nowhere and know immediately what the other meant to us.  I'd have the family that I wanted one day, and become close again with my own family after the seperation of my parents caused problems between all of us.  I created my main character with a lot of similar issues of my own life because I didn't want to go through it alone.  Some people would go to therapy for these types of issues, I went deep inside myself to an imaginary world.

After finishing my novel, I've realized a few things.  Of course I gave a lot to my character's life that I wanted for myself.  I also realized that while she had her own suffering in certain areas, I'd sheltered her through a lot of things that I had to go through that I wouldn't want another person to go through.  My parents got divorced as most do-I split her parents up after her birth so she wouldn't have to suffer the pain of divorce.  I took her mother out of her life because I didn't want her to have to suffer the most common pain of being a child of divorce, your parents always make you pick sides even if they don't realize what they are doing.  I had her fall in love with the first man she met who adored her equally.  He was older, wise, mature, and embraced their commitment wholeheartedly.  She didn't have to feel the pain of a broken heart, the loss of a first love, hope that an old lover will come back to her one day.  She fell head over heels in love and went at it full force and ended up with an amazing man who would do anything for her.  That's what we all want, so I decided if that wasn't how it happened for me, it would for her.  She had no trouble starting a family with her love.  She didn't have to feel the pain of being a failure in having trouble conceiving or the agony and constant guilt that shadows you endlessly after a miscarriage. 

Of course there are some elements of tragedy to her life, because we can't all have the perfect life.  I made sure that her parent had prepared her with the wisdom necessary for handling tragedy.  When I had difficulty in my own life and I found myself seeking escape to her world, I was reminded of the lesson I had her father give to her that would give us both strength in trying times. "Be grateful, someone else always has it worse and you could be them instead."  In return for the lessons I prepared her with to handle life and the manythings she accomplished in her world as a result of it, she gave me hours of escape through trying times in my life.  An opportunity to run away, regroup and build up the strength to make it through what life handed me.  So at the very least, I owe her a chance at life through print- if someone sees her worthy.

So, how many agents have I sent queries to?  Apparently not enough.